That thing about Mommmmyyyyyyy…………

I cannot live with her and I can’t live without her. Mom leaves this weekend and despite my resolve to not pour out my personal feelings on the blog, I can think of no where else to relieve myself of the grief that is building inside.

Everytime I meet my mom, I realise how far I have come from being my mommy’s girl. From that day when I would sulk over her choice of ankle length skirts for me to last weekend when she fished out a knee length skirt from the shop rack and said, "now try this" we girls have weathered a lot of stormy nights and clash of egos.

The simmering angst of the teenage days no longer causes us to cross swords. It is easy to talk to her about frustrations, personal problems, crack jokes and sometimes I almost see her less as a mom and more of a friend.

Cooking is no more a sacrosanct ritual. I no more look wide-eyed as she churns dishes after dishes instead I protest and sulk when she pours all her love in tablespoons of oil and chilli powder.

But I am sure the patience which she shows when I chose to act adult will evaporate and all my pink tinted feelings will be squashed if we decide to live under the same roof.

She is there smiling as I have always known her to when I come back from work.

And it reminds me of the day when I decided to act very grown up and go out with friends without telling her. When I came back quite late she was there peeping from behind the plants in the balcony, carving another wrinkle of worry on her forehead.

And yet with all that we have gained as a mother and daughter, I see the anguish in her eyes of letting me go. Of no more being able to hold my hand and walk on.

She cries very easily now. And I can feel the frailties of old age setting in. Yet she does all she can to smoothen out my life a bit.

I will miss her madly when she goes back.

And I will think again about the wisdom of worldly success at the cost of separation from parents.

Watching her strengthens my intention to return to India.

My husband may earn many thousands less, we may miss out on phoren life, our children might not grow up in a foreign land and get instant access to ivy education but I hope that they get the most important thing in life-love