Thursday, June 18, 2015

Pat, pat, pat on the back

Many ships have come and gone by. I can tell because I never see the same lot when I take a break from staring at my computer screen. While I worked furiously at finishing my guiding course, my girl finished a year at school. While I took the next step, trusting destiny is not just pre-decided but taking a chance – I grew a year older. Somewhere along, my hands discovered the floor in my yoga practice.

By the time the first fireworks lit the skyline over the smacking new stadium, I was ready to throw my scarf in the air – to celebrate my graduation. Rest has been life - stuff cooking, acne happening, friends leaving and yoga suffering.


As I type, out of the gutters of my brain, comes out the memory of the little girl who sang at Beijing Olympics. She was pretty and she sang beautifully. It was found out later, the face was pretty but the voice was someone else’s. I have felt like this a bit over the past few months - not getting my due because somehow I am not good enough for the world to see. But today I was found out – face, voice and all. I did a tour. Not my first but my best. There was applause, happy faces, kind words and a positive feedback to the museum. I am happy. And I feel generous. Generous enough to sit over a pile of clothes and an unmade bed!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Ivy,

It is Valentine's Day today. It holds no meaning to me. But one V Day I would like to give you a heart-shaped balloon, a bear hug and a piece of cake I baked. The purest, meaningful and rounded love I have felt is the one you have for me. You are the dream I sometimes find written about in my old diaries. It never ceases to amaze me how different you are from your momma. And yet when you look at me with my eyes, I see myself, my words, me.

You will never remember the first time you turned around at your classroom's door, eyes distant, and said, "You go momma." You broke my heart. Momma couldn't stop crying when you said, "I sleep alone." My stick of a girl, I forgave you the moment your big eyes turned pools of uncertainty over what was wrong in being a big girl. Truth is, momma was proud of you. She was as she is when you scooter too fast, let go and raise a leg like a ballerina to relish the moment - my eagle in flight. 

Love is to give, love is to live and love is to go on. It is easy to say that while you sleep, and the house is quiet. But it is true. I love you as much as I can love. And one Valentine's, I will have a heart-shaped balloon, a bear-hug and a piece of cake ready when you wake up.